'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
