just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
