There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
