Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
