My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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