VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
