I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
