Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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