Moan for me like Helen Keller
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
