In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
