I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize