I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
