fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
