dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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