yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
