I just pynch a tree in the face
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
there is glitter all over my balls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
