yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
