so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
