So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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