i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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