We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
