I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Randomize
