I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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