last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
