thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
