As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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