I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
