I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize