Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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