I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
