Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
