turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
