my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize