True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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