I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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