I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
