ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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