Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
