i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
