um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Pooping to opera.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
