**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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