Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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