your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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