I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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