do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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