i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
