hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
