nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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