it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
