what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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