She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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