i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
