Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
