So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
