wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
