don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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