allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
