haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
