I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize