I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love having hate sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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