Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
