remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
