I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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