Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
