You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
