So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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