I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
