what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
