the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
