I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
