I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
