Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
