only you would photoshop your dick
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
