I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
