soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
