just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
