i permit you to call me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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