i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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