Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
