its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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