I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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