i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
