First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize