Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
