do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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