Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
