They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
