Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I deserve this hangover.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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