Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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