yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize