Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
