is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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