It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
