yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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