ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
