You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
