she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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